I begin with I believe.
I believe from within.
From within I begin and
We are, each of us, on this carousel of life.
Do you recall, as a small child, the excitement fluttering in your belly as you waited in the line, your turn to climb aboard that glorious merry-go-round inching closer and closer? The wait seemed an eternity, didn’t it? And then finally, there you were scrambling for just the right horse to take you away on a spinning ride of your fantasies!
For some of us, the calliope music reminds of these precious moments. For others, the replay is more a reminder of anguish, like the cacophony of noise that plays during the opening of a scary movie.
On the rides of our lives, we each encounter numerous rites of passage—schools and graduations; competitions and personal victories; bar mitzvahs and debutant balls; proms, dating, job aspirations, and more—yet as we ride along in our saddles, most of us do not doubt our given gender. But that wasn’t the case with you, was it?
My high school prom was a memorable moment on my own carousel ride. I spent weeks thinking about and then purchasing the dress, the perfect high-heeled shoes and lacy shawl. My girlfriends and I tried different makeup options and considered carefully our delicates. Because it’s as important to feel as feminine on the outside as it is underneath, right?
Knowing you were destined for a monkey suit at the prom, you longed instead for a flowing gown. But you didn’t push it, because you knew well that boys don’t wear dresses, and the shame of that realization overwhelmed you. Or maybe you went to the dance in pants, but also wanted the strong clean lines of a tuxedo around your shoulders and waist, but you knew your peers would not accept a girl in a tuxedo.
In story after story, you’ve revealed your carousel ride as a transgender person. The road to becoming our authentic selves can be sometimes long and agonizing.
What was the trajectory of your path that guided you to believe in yourself?
Each of life’s milestones—proms, graduation, and new relationships—is a specific moment in time where we come face-to-face with ourselves—our wants, needs, and desires– and what our choices will be. Some people call these “aha moments.” Aha moments are usually preceded by a crisis or feeling unsettled or uncomfortable.
What “aha moments” did you experience? What influenced your thinking to awake you to the fact that you were born in the wrong body?
What was the complexion of your ride that eventually guided you to believe in yoursel?
Continuous exploration of your inner landscape is what likely led to the unfolding of who you really are–what you like, what you want, what brings you joy.
I can believe!
I want to do this.
I can do this!
I shall create bliss.
I believe in you.